Monday, July 28, 2008

Tragedy

Here's a question for readers - what do you do when you have something happen in life that is so unexpected and so horrible that the activities that usually give you pleasure suddenly do not?

We found out last Monday, July 21 (about a week into our trip) that my best friend had died suddenly while on a Vision Quest in the Inyo Mountains of California.

This loss is almost too much to take. We came back early from vacation to be at her memorial service. I participated in the service - I had a job to do, which meant I could focus on something and get the adrenaline shooshing and get through it. Today I am utterly empty, deeply sad, and totally exhausted.

I have read less than 30 pages since we got the news, which is unlike me. Usually reading can get my mind off anything. Now I cannot concentrate, as I try so hard to wrap my mind around the fact that she is gone.

Perhaps sometime I will write about KB, about the history of our friendship and all that she meant to our family. Here are a few snapshots: She was one of three clergy who married E. and me. She preached my installation sermon at St. Matthew. She baptized both my sweet boys. She has been with us for every holiday that we have celebrated in our home since we were married. She was wise, tender, caring, open, creative, and hilarious. I miss her terribly.

There was simply no one like her, and never will be.

I had a couple of books backed up to post about when we left. I hope in a few days to come out of the cave and do a few things that feel normal, like blogging and reading. There is lots of unpacking to do first - literally of the stuff that we carted to California and metaphorically of the processing of this horrible loss.

More soon, I hope.

Reverent Reader

3 Comments:

At 7/28/08, 5:02 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

We were privileged to be with you all and to be present at KB's memorial service. Glad you have internet service again and glad to see you back on the blog...it's a step out of the cave, as you say. We all will miss dear KB.

Love from Erin, Dennis, and girls

 
At 7/28/08, 6:19 PM , Blogger Cornelia said...

It says a lot about you that you could rise to the "job" of eulogizing KB yesterday. You honored her best qualities as well as her humanity. I have no doubt that she was listening... from beyond the great divide.

I had emailed with KB, but hadn't seen her in about a year. We were to meet on her return, share our journeys. I still find myself opening my email looking for her address to see where we should meet!

While my relationship with KB was quite different than yours, I offer you what I came to in my journal this morning: "I think that she would want me to celebrate the gifts that she gave me rather than mourning what might have been. To honor her and myself, that is what I will do." The living of that will be the challenge. I am not as advanced as she was that I can confidently write that I am already actively in the process of doing this.

On a more practical and mundane level, it has helped me to walk, to observe the sky, the birds, and to feel the sun and occasionally the breeze on my face. Being connected to my body and to the earth helps me to feel connected to the universe, esp. those no longer on the physical plane. While doing all of this, it helps to have whatever music you love blasting in your ears!

While it is not easy with little ones, give yourself as much time in the cave as you need, even if all you have is a little while each day.

I look forward to reading about your books!

 
At 7/28/08, 6:47 PM , Anonymous Betsy said...

Hi Leslie,

How awful. I didn't know Karen was that big a part of your family life. Please give yourself time, and ask for help if you can. Hug your sons. I'm not with the "blasting music" crowd; more likely the silent one. It will take time to crawl out of this; I hope you can take what you need.
Betsy

 

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